How did you speak to yourself this week?
Are you holding yourself in contempt?
I have named my inner judge Judge Judy. I like to think of her as someone outside of myself, like a character and the voice in my head who is the cause of most of the misery in my life. Our inner judges have a huge impact on all of our happiness and success. Judge Judy is universal and automatic, no human is immune from her antics.
This is because Being negative and assuming the worst has an evolutionary benefit. Our brains are conditioned to look for the bad and the scary tiger in the grass. We internalize this feeling of I am not worthy and carry it into adulthood. But I am not worthy is BS! Your Judge is a liar! Conditional love is not real love, its like being given a carrot for good behavior. It is based on performance, like getting a good grade or losing weight. You are worthy just by being here! you are 100% lovable, that is unconditional, there is nothing you can DO to be more worthy of love.
Who is Judge Judy?
She judges OURSELVES. She tells us You are not enough or you are not worthy
She judges OTHERS. When you judge yourself you tend to also judge people around you, because it’s too scary to just judge yourself. So we think ok I’m gonna drag you down too…If I am a loser then so is everyone else.
She judges our circumstances. She makes you a victim and says Everything sucks, why is this happening to me?
She lies and justifies We grow up thinking or being taught “you need to be hard on yourself” which sets us up for a constant beating. And it’s a total lie.
The 3 steps to silencing your inner judge judy:
- Empathize. Work on growing your empathy towards yourself by remembering who you are using a childhood photo. Look how beautiful this being is, how worthy she is of all the unconditional love in the world. Unconditional means just because, she doesn’t have to do anything or earn love, she is worthy just by being here. She doesn’t have to be any size. Feel love and compassion for yourself. Empathy leads to far greater self improvement than beating yourself up ever could.
- Quit “shoulding” all over yourself. Listen for the “shoulds” and the “need tos” when talking about yourself or others, these words are red flags that you are sitting in judgement. Also pay attention to when you are speaking in absolutes like never, always, or everyone else because these are not only a LIE (you don’t ALWAYS do anything) they amp up the drama in your head.
- Escape the cycle. Getting hung up on the cake or the scale does not serve you. Find go to thoughts to give equal airtime to the judgy ones when you hear them, and practice them so much they become as automatic as the Judge Judy ones.
Do you want to keep listening to your inner judge and stay in shame and guilt? Or do you want to be your own BFF and move into a place of love and kindness? You deserve better!
